


I Have Done Enough...I am Done.

by narijeminie



Series: Feanor's Depression [2]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mother's Love, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25409116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narijeminie/pseuds/narijeminie
Summary: He walked until he reached the mountainside that overlooked the whole of Tirion. It was a different mountain from the Taniquetil. He could hear the faint voices of rejoicing as the sadness of the Noldor was lifted at the birth of Findis or that is what Feanaro could hear in the winds.“I have done enough…I am done.”Feanaro closed his eyes and spread his arms. He took a deep breath and leaned forward; he relaxed his leg muscles and let his body fall.
Relationships: Fëanor | Curufinwë & Finwë, Fëanor | Curufinwë & Mahtan Aulendur, Fëanor | Curufinwë & Míriel Þerindë | Míriel Serindë, Fëanor | Curufinwë & Original Female Character(s), Fëanor | Curufinwë & Rúmil of Tirion
Series: Feanor's Depression [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836397
Kudos: 30





	1. I am not giving up...I just had enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This was very hard to write; this take is depressing. Here, Feanaro can no longer take it. He cannot take the emotional manipulation Finwe is doing. Finwe does not realize that he is guilt tripping his son. He invalidates Feanaro's feelings; There are others - Rumil, Mahtan and a maia of Este and Nienna, Oiolohte, who want to help Feanaro. Indis does not realize that she is applying conversational narcissism (turning the focus of exchange to oneself unconsciously). 
> 
> Feanaro's age in the story is 7 at the start then around 14-17 in human years; so, he is the equivalent of a teenager
> 
> Add: Miriel, Rumil and Mahtan are best friends;

When Feanaro was a young boy, he saw his mother sleeping in the Gardens of Lorien. He was told that his mother is gone and will not be coming back.

“Why?” He asked, looking up at his father.

Finwe knelt in front of him and embraced him.

“She was tired and she had to rest,” Finwe said.

“Why was she tired?” Feanaro asked.

Finwe looked at Feanaro and ran a hand through his hair. He did not answer him;

“It’s just the two of us now. I love you son, I will never leave you,”

“I love you too, atar,” Feanaro said.

As much as Finwe wanted to keep Feanaro in the dark regarding Miriel’s disappearance, it did not stop the whispers and gossips.

“…she gave too much to the prince,”

“It’s because of him that our queen is dead…”

“Hush! Do not say such things!”

“He is strange; he did not mourn for her,”

Feanaro ran away from them. He entered his room and shut the door with a loud bang. He brought out the work given to him by Rumil. He tried to finish what he was given but was distracted by the words he heard. He grabbed his papers and threw them aside. Whatever he grabbed; he threw aside.

“Curufinwe, open this door!” He heard his father screaming from the other side.

He heard Finwe call one of his guards to open the door. When the door was opened, Finwe sighed and approached Feanaro.

“Is it true?” Feanaro asked.

“What is it, my son?” Finwe asked.

“That amme is gone because of me,” Feanaro said.

“Who said that? That is not true! She just needs rest,” Finwe said, embracing Feanaro.

Finwe looked around Feanaro’s room.

“I love you son, always remember that,” Finwe said, kissing the top of Feanaro’s head.

“I love you too, atar…” Feanaro said.

“Clean your mess; when I get back, this should be clean,” Finwe said, standing up.

“Where are you going?” Feanaro asked.

“I was called here from the meeting with Ingwe; you should come with me and apologize,” Finwe said.

“…I will atar…I am sorry about this. I will clean this up,” Feanaro said.

“Good,” Finwe said.

While Feanaro was cleaning up, he vowed to make his father proud. He will make sure that he is the best amongst the Noldor in whatever he put his mind into because he remembers what his father always tells him,

_‘You are destined for greatness, my son. You are my son. I expect no less from you. I know you can do it,’_

“I can do it,” Feanaro said, fixing his room. 

Rumil watched Feanaro working on two projects at the same time. He already finished some crafts he made together with Mahtan and was now working on his research to the nuances of Sarati and researching on how to communicate farther.

“Feanaro, have you slept at all these past few weeks?” Rumil asked.

“I have, master; I am just finishing this. Atar will return from Taniquetil in a few days. I wish to surprise him,” Feanaro said.

“How long have you slept?” Rumil asked.

“It’s enough,” Feanaro said.

Rumil pursed his lips and grabbed the quill Feanaro was using.

“Hey!” Feanaro exclaimed as Rumil grabbed him up.

“You will finish this after you sleep for at least twelve hours (1),” Rumil said, pulling and pushing Feanaro to sleep.

“But I am so close, master; atar will be delighted to see what I have done while he was gone,” Feanaro said.

“He would be happier when he sees his son,” Rumil said.

Feanaro scratched his arm then sighed;

“I will do as you say, master.” Feanaro said, lying down.

“I will watch over you and make sure you indeed, sleep,” Rumil said.

Feanaro scoffed then smiled at Master Rumil. Rumil watched as Feanaro’s eyes glazed over. Rumil sighed, remembering old times when he would pull Miriel to sleep.

Feanaro welcomed Finwe with a happy embrace.

“Atar, I made something for you, well, not just one thing. Come with me, I wish to show you,” Feanaro was about to pull Finwe when Finwe stopped him.

“My son, I would like to introduce you to someone,” Finwe pulled Feanaro who saw a Vanyarin woman.

“This is Indis; she is very important to me and she will be staying with us from now on.” Finwe said.

Feanaro saw the way his father and the woman named Indis smile at each other. He could also see the love in their eyes.

“No; she is not welcome here,” Feanaro said.

Finwe looked at Feanaro sharply;

“Curufinwe, do not say such words. Apologize to Indis now… _meldanya_ , Curufinwe did not mean those words,” Finwe said.

“I understand, my lord. This is something new,” Indis said.

Feanaro ignored her;

“What about amme?” Feanaro asked.

“Curufinwe, my son…your amme is not coming back. It is time for us to move on. She would want this,” Finwe said.

“No; she will come back. She just needs time;” Feanaro said.

“She made her choice. We need to move on,” Finwe said.

“You do not know, she might change her mind,”

“You do not know her; she is stubborn. She already made her decision and it is final,” Finwe said.

“I do know her; she is my amme. Her spirit flows through me. She just needs rest. She will come back to us.” Feanaro said.

“Oh my son, you were young when your amme abandoned us…she is gone, my son. You need to remember that,” Finwe said.

“She did not abandon us. She just needs rest. Atar, please,” Feanaro said.

Finwe clenched his fist and hit the table near him. Indis gasped and held Finwe as he looked at Feanaro.

“Stop it, Curufinwe,”

“Stop what?” Feanaro asked.

“Stop being selfish. You do not know how lonely I was, how alone I was. You were not around; you were working on Eru knows what. I mourned for her; I was beside her; you were not. Now is the time I am happy and you will not support me? I thought you would be happy…I am happy, my son. Indis lightens my heart beyond compare. Will you not support us?” Finwe asked.

“Atar, that is not what I meant. I want you to be happy,”

Finwe shook his head and left the room as Feanaro tried to go after him. Indis stopped him.

“Give him time, Feanaro; I know your atar; he will calm down,”

“Let me go; I have to apologize,” Feanaro said.

“Give him time,” Indis said firmly.

“Stand aside!” Feanaro exclaimed.

“I will not,” Indis said.

Feanaro glared at Indis who sighed;

“I know this is new to you. Believe me, I know what you feel. Miriel was my friend too; when she aba…left you, your father was devastated; he is happy now. You love him, do you not? I love him too. I know you want him to be happy too…” Indis said.

Feanaro looked at Indis angrily. Indis recoiled from his gaze.

“You do not know what I feel. Do not assume to know,” Feanaro said, leaving the room.

Feanaro took a deep breath; he knocked on the door to Finwe’s room.

“Enter,” He heard Finwe say.

Feanaro entered and he saw Indis there with him. Finwe sighed when he saw Feanaro.

“Will you leave us for a while, melda?” Finwe asked.

“Of course, my lord.” Indis looked at Feanaro as she left the room.

“Sit,” Finwe said.

Feanaro ignored his order;

“I wanted to give you something, atar.” Feanaro said, showing a hexagonal object that emitted blue light.

Finwe stood up from his bed and reached out to what Feanaro held in his hand.

“What is it?” Finwe asked.

“It is a lamp; the light will not die down. It will light up wherever you take it…do you like it?” Feanaro asked shyly.

“Oh my son, it is beautiful but I do not see the use for it; the light of the two trees can reach far and wide,” Finwe said.

Feanaro’s smile froze;

“I will keep this,” Finwe said.

“…Atar, I am sorry. I love you and I want you to be happy. I do not want you to be sad,” Feanaro said.

“Oh my son; I love you too, thank you.” Finwe embraced Feanaro.

The smile on Feanaro’s face diminished; he felt that even though Finwe embraced him and told him he loved him, he did not understand why his heart still hurt. Finwe let go of Feanaro; Finwe was smiling;

“My son, you do not know how happy I am to hear that. I want you to be one of the first to know; the Valar agreed to let Indis and I marry. We will marry after a month (2).” Finwe said.

“What?” Feanaro asked, looking at Finwe.

“The Valar agreed that I can marry Indis,”

“But…you are married to amme,” Feanaro said.

“What I told you is true, Feanaro; when she let go of life, she agreed for me to marry Indis…my son? Curufinwe?” Finwe asked as Feanaro stood up and walked towards the door.

“I need time to think things through,” Feanaro said.

“All right,” Finwe said though Feanaro did not hear his reply as he walked away.

Feanaro reached a locked room at the eastern side of the palace. He brought out a key around his neck. He inserted the key and the door opened. Feanaro saw numerous tapestries, finished and unfinished in the room. He held the crib that was still intact. He knew from Mahtan that Miriel made the crib with help from Mahtan.

‘ _Your mother was the most talented of us; if she put her mind to it, she will make things beyond our expectations,’_ He remembered Mahtan say.

Feanaro took a small blanket that was in the crib and patted it to remove the dust. He embraced the blanket and cried; when he saw the shade of light change, he stood up, wiped his tears and locked the door behind him.

The next day, Feanaro found himself in front of Miriel’s body in the Gardens of Lorien. He saw that a maia of Este was there, tending to Miriel’s body. The maia turned and smiled at Feanaro who looked up at the familiar maia.

“You have been gone for a long while, Feanaro Therindion,”

“You are the only one who calls me that, Oiolohte,” Feanaro said.

“For that is how you introduced yourself; I remember when you were younger; you introduced yourself as Feanaro Therindion,” Oiolohte said.

Feanaro approached Miriel’s body and placed a circlet on Miriel’s head;

“Why are you still tending to her body? Atar said she will not come back. This is nothing but a shell,” Feanaro said.

“Your mother deserves respect; if this is our way to show it, we will do it…you are in pain,” Oiolohte said.

“No I am not; I am not injured,” Feanaro said.

“That is not what I am talking about, dear one. I meant, your fea,” Oiolohte said.

“I do not know what you mean,” Feanaro said, turning to leave.

Oiolohte held Feanaro’s hand and held his cheek. Feanaro hissed when he felt her warm hand.

“If you are in pain, do what makes you happy and talk to those who make you feel happy,” Oiolohte said. She smiled then let go.

Feanaro looked at her though she seemed to have vanished; Feanaro sighed and left. He did not know that Oiolohte was watching him, only she was invisible to him.

“You seem deep in thought, sister(3),”

Oiolohte saw Olorin approaching him.

“He is in pain, though he will not admit it. He closes it off. I fear for him, brother,” Oiolohte said.

“We cannot interfere; they have judged and have made a decision,” Olorin said.

“I know they have, yet I feel restless and hurt; you did not see his eyes…I just hope that he will take my advice,” Oiolohte said.

Olorin held Oiolohte’s shoulder;

“Excuse me, brother; I wish to talk to our Lady Nienna; mayhap she will intercede in behalf of Feanaro,” Oiolohte said.

“Sister, they have already made a decision,” Olorin said.

“There might be a slight chance they will overturn it; there might be other options; it cannot be this way,” Oiolohte said vehemently. She left Olorin who sighed;

At the dining table, Finwe and Indis were talking happily as Feanaro was picking at his food. They were talking about the wedding preparations and that Ingwe will arrive early to help. Feanaro zoned out their voices when Finwe screamed his name.

“I have been calling you for a while; you were not listening,”

“I am sorry, atar. I was just thinking about some things,”

Finwe sighed and shook his head good-naturedly;

“He has that tendency; he always has flights of fancy (4),” Finwe said.

“I see, my lord.”

Feanaro stabbed at his food;

Mahtan and Rumil who were neighbors and were best friends, looked at Feanaro who was making some jewels. He seemed distracted as he ruined almost three jewels already.

“All right, take a break, Feanaro,” Mahtan said.

“I am sorry, master. I will start over,” Feanaro said.

“No, take a break; you have already made enough,” Mahtan said, pointing the pile beside him.

Feanaro scanned the pile; he took a jewel and threw it back in the fire;

“What are you doing?!” Mahtan asked, shocked.

“The shape is wrong, master. It is not nice to look at…this one too,” Feanaro said, throwing another.

“What in Varda’s name is going on with you?” Mahtan asked.

“Nothing is wrong with me, master. Are you saying there is?” Feanaro asked.

“That is not what I am saying,” Mahtan said.

“This one is not perfect…” Feanaro said, throwing another jewel in the fire.

Suddenly, no jewel was left. Feanaro growled and started again;

“No; you are done for the day, Feanaro,” Mahtan said.

“But master, I need to finish them,”

“What for?” Mahtan asked.

“I want to give it to atar; he deserves the best. I need to make something beautiful and worthy of him,” Feanaro said.

Mahtan watched as Feanaro went back in the forge; he took a deep breath and started writing some things. Rumil approached Mahtan who shook his head exasperatedly.

“Something is wrong, my friend.” Mahtan said.

“We should stop him before he hurts himself,” Rumil said.

Mahtan agreed; they approached Feanaro from behind; Mahtan grabbed Feanaro in a hug that trapped his arms as Rumil grabbed the quill and carried Feanaro’s legs. Feanaro was screaming as Mahtan and Rumil carried him to the nearby pond.

“No! Please, let go!” Feanaro exclaimed, laughing.

“He said let go,” Mahtan said.

“All right,” Rumil said.

Mahtan and Rumil swung Feanaro who ended up in the pond. He swam up, sputtering. He glared without heat towards Mahtan and Rumil who were laughing. Feanaro shook his head and laughed as he got out of the pond. Mahtan handed a towel towards Feanaro who dried himself.

“Master, is it all right if I continue working on my project at your home?” Feanaro asked Rumil.

“Of course,” Rumil said.

Feanaro said goodbye to Mahtan and he and Rumil headed to Rumil’s house;

“Does your father know you will be staying?” Rumil asked as Feanaro was writing.

“He is busy;” Feanaro said.

“Is there something you want to talk about?” Rumil asked.

Feanaro looked up from his work then continued writing.

“None master,”

“I told you, call me Rumil.” Rumil said.

Feanaro snorted; Rumil sighed;

“You should go to sleep,” Rumil said when he saw Feanaro stop writing. He crossed his arms and leaned against the chair.

“Feanaro?” Rumil asked.

He saw Feanaro’s eyes glazed over. Rumil sighed; he grabbed a blanket that was a gift for him from Miriel. He wrapped it around Feanaro as he went to bed.

The next day, Feanaro was mad that Mahtan gave Finwe the ring he made the previous day.

“Why did you give it to him?! It’s not done!” Feanaro exclaimed.

“It was beautiful, Feanaro;”

“No, it was not. Do not ever do that again,” Feanaro said angrily.

“Feanaro…” Mahtan started.

Feanaro sighed;

“I am sorry, master. I only wanted it to be perfect. He deserves the best of what I can make.” Feanaro said.

“Feanaro, he would love anything you make for him,” Mahtan said.

“It has to be perfect or else he will set it aside! He is king, he deserves the best of what I can give and that was not it…you will not understand,” Feanaro said, running towards the stables and riding his horse.

Feanaro barged in the castle;

“Where is atar?” Feanaro asked a random servant.

“He is in the gardens, my prince,”

Feanaro ran and he saw Finwe and Indis, kissing one another.

“Atar, the ring…” Feanaro paused when he saw that around Indis’s ring finger was the ring he made for his atar.

“Give that back!” Feanaro shouted, grabbing Indis’s hand.

“My lord!” Indis exclaimed, looking at Finwe who held Feanaro and carried him away from Indis who was taking deep breaths.

“Stop, Curufinwe!”

“That is not hers! It is for you!” Feanaro exclaimed.

“I gave it to her;”

Feanaro looked at Finwe with shock;

“But that was a gift,” Feanaro said.

“Mahtan told me you made it for me and I found it beautiful, my son and I thought it would be perfect as a symbol of our love. You should be proud, my son. You made something so beautiful.” Finwe said, embracing Feanaro.

Feanaro did not answer; he stepped away, not hearing Indis asking Finwe to implore Feanaro to apologize.

That night, Finwe called Feanaro to apologize to Indis. He did apologize, though he would not look into Indis’s eyes; nevertheless, she accepted his “apology”.

“It would please me greatly that you get along; she will stay with us, Feanaro. When we are married, she will be your mother,” Finwe said.

“I already have one,” Feanaro said, leaving the room.

“Do not worry, my love. He will come to,” Feanaro heard Finwe say.

While walking to his room, he heard the servants talking about what happened earlier.

“…it is true what the Valar said, the prince is truly marred; no one would do that…only him. I should have known there was something wrong with the prince,”

Feanaro stopped walking in shock; he then ran off.

Rumil opened the door and saw Feanaro, looking worse for wear.

“Feanaro, what is wrong?” Rumil asked.

“I wish to finish our project; I believe staying would be beneficial for the both of us and we will be able to finish the project sooner,” Feanaro said.

Rumil let him in;

While Rumil was fixing Feanaro’s room, he left Feanaro be;

“Feanaro, where are you?” Rumil asked as he looked around for Feanaro.

He entered the library and saw Feanaro curled up around a book. His whole body was shaking as he held the book. Rumil took the book from Feanaro and saw that it was the Debate on the Remarriage of Finwe.

“I am evidence of the marring; I killed amme...” Feanaro whispered.

“No, you did not. You are not marred,” Rumil said, grabbing Feanaro’s shoulders.

“Look at me, Feanaro, look at me,” Rumil grabbed Feanaro’s face to make him look at him.

“Amme did not wish to return…who would want to return to a marred son?” Feanaro asked.

“Feanaro, you are not marred!” Rumil exclaimed.

Suddenly, Rumil saw a flicker in Feanaro’s once dead eyes.

“I will show them…I will show them!” Feanaro shouted, standing up.

Rumil looked up at him as he walked away.

Rumil can do nothing as Feanaro got mad at him for even trying to distract him from his work. He took up more than one project at once. Finwe sent for him but Feanaro denied him. He did not attend Finwe’s wedding to Indis. One night, when Rumil, with Mahtan’s help, made Feanaro sleep on his bed, Feanaro spoke.

“Atar is better off without me,”

“Feanaro?” Rumil asked, approaching Feanaro and saw his eyes glazed over.

The next day, Feanaro cheered;

“I finished it…master, I finished it!” Feanaro exclaimed.

Rumil read Feanaro’s paper; by the end of it, he smiled at Feanaro.

“This is wonderful, Feanaro.”

“I am glad…do you think atar will like it?” Feanaro asked in a whisper.

“Do you like it?” Rumil asked.

“I do;” Feanaro said.

“Are you proud of it?” Rumil asked.

“Of course I am,”

“That is what matters,” Rumil said.

Feanaro sighed and leaned against his seat.

“I will clean this up,” Feanaro said.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Rumil stood up to answer it.

“Fin…your majesty,” Rumil said.

“I am here to see Curufinwe. I know he is here,” Finwe said.

Rumil looked to the side where he saw Feanaro; he shook his head;

“He does not want to see you,”

“Will you tell him I miss him and that I love him? I want him to come home…please,” Finwe said.

Rumil pursed his lips;

“I will tell him, your majesty,” Rumil said.

“Thank you,” Finwe turned to leave.

Rumil followed him out;

“Finwe, you should listen to your son,” Rumil said.

Finwe stopped and turned to look at Rumil.

“Thank you for the advice but I know how to raise my son.” Finwe said curtly.

Rumil was about to retort but decided against it. He went home and saw Feanaro.

“You can stay as long as you want,” Rumil said.

“Thank you, master.” Feanaro said.

That night, Rumil saw Feanaro packing his things;

“You will return to the castle?” Rumil asked.

“I miss atar and no matter what, he is still my atar. I should remember that he was always with me,” Feanaro said.

Rumil approached Feanaro and embraced him.

“If you want someone to listen, call me or Mahtan. We will always come to you,” Rumil whispered.

“Thank you master…Rumil,” Feanaro said.

Rumil led him out and as he saw Feanaro heading back to the castle, he could not help but think that he should have stopped him when he had the chance.

“Your majesty, the prince has returned,”

Finwe ran down the stairs and saw Feanaro who smiled; Finwe laughed and embraced Feanaro.

“Oh my son! I am so happy! You have returned! Do not leave me again, my son! Do you know how sad I was that you were not around? Do not leave me again, my son or you will break my heart,” Finwe said, embracing Feanaro who embraced him back.

“I am sorry for staying away too long, atar. Do not worry, I will not leave you again,” Feanaro said.

“Good; now, we will be a complete family,” Finwe said, kissing Feanaro’s forehead.

Feanaro smiled; he really missed his father’s embrace.

Rumil and Mahtan were in the castle; they were there to celebrate Finwe’s begetting day and the nearing birth of Finwe and Indis’s child. They were looking for Feanaro whom they have not seen in six months. He has been working in Finwe’s court which made his father happy.

“Master Mahtan, Master Rumil, I am glad to see you,”

The two turned and saw a gaunt-looking boy approaching them with a smile on his face.

“Feanaro?” Rumil asked.

Feanaro chuckled and embraced them.

“It has been too long; come, I wish to show you something,” Feanaro said, leading them away from the festivities.

Feanaro showed them the newly made forge requested by Feanaro. He showed them daggers;

“I made these for hunting. I made one for atar. It is my gift to him…also, look at this,” Feanaro grabbed something from the shelf. Rumil grabbed his arm and saw faint scars there.

“What is this?”

“Oh, that is nothing; I injured myself.” Feanaro said, shrugging.

“Anyway, look through it. Come, I think it will work better outside,” Feanaro said.

He let Mahtan sample it (5);

“This is wonderful; how were you able to do it?” Mahtan asked.

Feanaro and Mahtan were talking about his craft while Rumil looked at Feanaro’s arm worriedly.

“We should head back inside,” Rumil said.

“Right, atar is giving a speech,” Feanaro said.

They went to the square and listened to Finwe’s speech; he talked about the presence of the Valar and that he was thankful that joy is upon the House of Finwe with the upcoming birth of his child with Indis. When it was late, Feanaro led Mahtan and Rumil out.

“Goodbye master Rumil, goodbye master Mahtan…oh, here,” Feanaro said, handing them necklaces with keys.

“What is this?” Rumil asked.

“Oh, they are keys to the forge,” Feanaro said. He smiled and embraced Rumil and Mahtan then he entered the castle.

“Mahtan, I fear for him. We have to do something.” Rumil said, looking at Mahtan who remembered Miriel back then (6).

“I will talk to Lord Aule; he has ever been Feanaro’s champion,” Mahtan said.

“I will go to the Halls of Nienna,” Rumil said.

“Your highness, wake up,” One of the servants woke Feanaro;

“What is it?” Feanaro asked.

“The king called for you; the queen has given birth to a daughter,”

Feanaro sighed and walked towards the room. He was at the door and he saw Indis, beaming as she carried a lump in her arms as Finwe was beside her, smiling from ear-to-ear as he beheld the child.

“Are you happy, my lord?” Indis asked.

“I have never been as happy as this in my entire time. Thank you, my love. You brought nothing but joy to my life…” Finwe said, kissing Indis’s head.

“You have never been as happy? What of our marriage?” Indis asked.

“That is second…a daughter, can you believe it? I have a daughter; she is so beautiful, Indis, just like her mother…Findis, I think that is a good name; what do you think?” Finwe asked.

“That is a beautiful name, my lord;”

Finwe carried the baby and showed her to the Noldor who have been waiting at the square. Feanaro did not hear what Finwe said when addressing the crowd as he already left.

Feanaro was in the Gardens of Lorien; he approached his mother’s body and no one else was around. He knew that the Valar and the maiar were either in Tirion or maybe in Taniquetil, watching and rejoicing at the birth of Finwe and Indis’s daughter. Feanaro tended to Miriel’s body;

“You should not have given birth to me…you were better off conserving your strength than give birth to me. I am sorry amme, I…I am sorry,” Feanaro bent down and kissed Miriel’s head.

He walked until he reached the mountainside that overlooked the whole of Tirion. It was a different mountain from the Taniquetil. He could hear the faint voices of rejoicing as the sadness of the Noldor was lifted at the birth of Findis or that is what Feanaro could hear in the winds.

“I have done enough…I am done.”

Feanaro closed his eyes and spread his arms. He took a deep breath and leaned forward; he relaxed his leg muscles and let his body fall.


	2. A Mother's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is nothing as powerful as a mother's love and nothing as healing as a child's soul. ~ Unknown
> 
> There is an enduring tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart. ~ Washington Irving
> 
> Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Finally done with this;

Eonwe was flying around when he saw something falling from one of the mountains. He flew towards it and caught the body before it hit the ground. He gasped when he saw that in his arms was the high prince of the Noldor.

“Your highness,” Eonwe woke the prince whose eyes were closed and a smile, gracing his lips.

Eonwe fell to a sitting position;

“No…” He whispered; he could no longer feel a fea housed in the prince’s hroa.

He gathered the prince in his arms and brought him to the castle of the Noldor. The people were still rejoicing at the birth of the princess.

“Lord Eonwe, I am glad to see you,” King Ingwe said, approaching Eonwe who did not address him.

King Ingwe gasped when he saw who was in Eonwe’s arms. Finwe stood up and ran.

“Your majesty, your son…” Eonwe was cut off by Finwe who gathered Feanaro in his arms, chanting “No,”.

Indis handed Findis to one of her handmaidens and approached the kneeling Finwe who looked up at Eonwe with tears in his eyes.

“Bring him back! Bring him back to me!” Finwe shouted.

“I will see what I can do, your majesty,” Eonwe bowed and left.

Rumil was headed to the Halls of Nienna when he was stopped by Mahtan.

“My friend, something is happening in the castle. We have to go,” Mahtan said.

Rumil and Mahtan headed to the castle and saw everyone trying to look inside.

“What is going on?” Rumil asked.

Mahtan, who was a friend of the family’s more than Rumil, was able to enter the castle where they saw a lot of people in Feanaro’s room.

“What is going on?” Mahtan asked a servant.

Rumil tapped then grabbed Mahtan’s arm.

“What?” Mahtan asked, looking at Rumil.

He saw Rumil, his face was pale, and his eyes were wide with shock. Mahtan looked where he was looking and saw a lying Feanaro;

“No…” Mahtan said, pushing the people aside as he and Rumil approached Feanaro.

Rumil saw Finwe, crying at the foot of Feanaro’s bed. Findis, who was carried by a handmaiden and Indis were behind him. Indis was trying to comfort Finwe.

“You did this,” Rumil grabbed Finwe and punched him, sending him down.

Indis screamed as Findis cried; Mahtan, who was staring at Feanaro’s body, remembering Miriel as she laid to rest, was pushed aside by one of Finwe’s servants. He looked to the side and saw Finwe helped up by Indis who was crying as Rumil was held back by one of the servants. Finwe wiped away the blood from his lip as Mahtan told the ner to let go of Rumil who was breathing hard and glaring at Finwe. Finwe nodded at Indis who held his arm as he looked at Rumil angrily as Mahtan held Rumil back.

“I told you! I told you to listen to him!” Rumil shouted, fighting against Mahtan who held him back.

“How dare you put the blame on me? I was not the one who left,” Finwe hissed.

“Finwe,” Mahtan warned, letting go of Rumil.

“Curufinwe would not have done this if it were not for Miriel and you know this. She is the reason our son is dead! If she only returned this would not have happened. My son would be here!” Finwe exclaimed.

He was shaking as Mahtan and Rumil looked at Finwe with disbelief.

“Miriel needed rest,” Mahtan said.

“We gave her that and she did not return; we called her, and she chose to be selfish and she remained there instead of coming back!” Finwe exclaimed.

“Do not blame her; she was sick, and she needed rest,” Rumil said.

“I called her; I needed her! Curufinwe needed a mother and she did not return despite my pleas. She did not think of us; she only thought about herself. Despite giving her enough time, she still chose to be selfish. So do not tell me I am a bad father, Rumil. Who was there for Curufinwe? I was and forever will be! She never had the chance to be a mother anyway and if I did not remarry, Curufinwe would be motherless and I would be without wife. Our lives will be filled with sorrow for what she had done. I only did what I had to for us.” Finwe said; he was shaking as tears fell from his eyes.

“I cannot believe you have the audacity to say that,” Mahtan said.

“So, what now? You would call Feanaro to return to life? What if he says he needed rest which, by the way, he does need with a father like you, would you still hound him like what you did to Miriel and then call him selfish for wanting to rest?!” Rumil shouted angrily. He too was shaking.

“He will return to me; he loves me. You do not know him, I do. Well, of course, you were always biased against me. I am sorry that instead of you, Miriel chose me; that is where this anger of yours is coming from, right?” Finwe asked Rumil.

Rumil was about to refute when Mahtan stood between them and shouted angrily.

“Stop it, the both of you! This is not about you! This is about Feanaro and you fighting will serve no purpose!” Mahtan shouted.

Suddenly, Eonwe appeared before them.

“You are called to appear before the Valar in the Mahanaxar,” Eonwe said.

“Curufinwe will return to us?” Finwe asked.

“My lords and ladies are convening as we speak and they wish for you to be present in the proceedings,” Eonwe said, bowing in front of Finwe and leaving.

“I will go,” Finwe said.

He embraced Feanaro and looked at Rumil and Mahtan as he did so.

“Let us go,” Mahtan said, pulling Rumil who glared at Finwe.

“Let us go, Rumil.” Mahtan said.

“I would spit on you if you were not holding someone precious to me,” Rumil said, letting Mahtan pull him away.

“Fuck Finwe,” Rumil said when they were out of the castle.

“We will go to Mahanaxar,” Mahtan said.

“Will we be allowed inside?” Rumil asked.

“I will implore Lord Aule to let us in. Feanaro needs to know there are those who support him,” Mahtan said.

“Do you think Feanaro will be there?” Rumil asked as he rode his horse.

“If not, then, we will speak with Lord Aule and implore him to make sure Feanaro receives his rest,” Mahtan said.

“I should not have let him return to the castle,” Rumil said.

Mahtan patted Rumil’s head;

“We failed Miriel but we will not fail her son,” Mahtan said.

The two friends headed to the Mahanaxar.

Namo looked at the spirit hiding from him.

“You should not be here,” Namo said.

“I needed to escape…I had enough,” The spirit said.

“Your father needs you and your people need you; you are their prince; a father needs his son,” Namo said.

The spirit did not answer;

“Your father asks for your return; we will return you to your body…”

“No,” The spirit said.

“Curufinwe Feanaro, you are needed…”

“I will not return; I will stay here, and you cannot force me to return.” The spirit said.

“The world needs you to live, Curufinwe Feanaro. There are things you need to accomplish. I see it…” Namo said, having a premonition of Feanaro in the forge, creating something of great beauty that will give hope to all.

“I will not return; this is my will.” Feanaro said.

Before he can respond, Namo heard Manwe call him to the Mahanaxar.

“I will leave you to think on it; You are the Spirit of Fire; Eru has made you as the greatest of all the Noldor. With your hands, you will create things of beauty and of hope to all people,” Namo said.

“Such is your way; you will do as you have envisioned with no regard for whoever is involved as long as it happens. Nay, I will not return,” Feanaro said.

“You are like your mother, indeed. You are obdurate and stubborn; however, I will give you time,” Namo said.

Namo left the room;

“You give me time though I did not ask of it. My mother did yet you did not give her time because you have foreseen the need for the line of Indis to come.(1) I will not be used according to your whims. I have had enough.” Feanaro said, hugging his knees and putting his head on them, closing his eyes. (2)

Namo headed to another area before heading to the Mahanaxar as he heard his maia ask for him. He saw one of his maia, Fairelanu (3), approaching; behind him was Miriel who looked angry.

“My lord…” Fairelanu was cut off by Miriel who confronted Namo.

“Take me to my son,” She said.

Namo was surprised that Miriel knew that Feanaro was in the halls.

“He will be reembodied where he will be with his father,”

“To the Void with Finwe! Take me to my son, I said.” Miriel growled.

Namo stood up but Miriel stood her ground; she looked up at Namo with determined eyes.

“My lord, Lady Nienna sent me here to help Prince Feanaro. I believe she will agree with my opinion that Queen Miriel be brought to her son;”

Namo saw Oiolohte, one of the closest maia to his sister, standing beside Fairelanu.

“Lead her to him,” Namo said.

“You got your way with me the first time; this time, with my son involved, I will fight you with everything I have, and you will suffer. I will not let you get away with hurting my son and if I go to the Void for it, I will bring you there with me,” Miriel threatened Namo.

She turned away from him and followed Fairelanu who looked afraid. Oiolohte followed Miriel.

“Your majesty, I have seen Feanaro a few months earlier…his eyes were filled with pain. I am sorry I could not ease his suffering and that he had no other choice but to come here,” Oiolohte said.

“I thought Finwe would have learned from what he did to me all those years ago…I will never forgive him for what he did to my son,” Miriel said.

“My lady, he is here,” Fairelanu said, opening the door to a room (4).

Feanaro had the urge to explore but Namo put a damper in his mood. Namo told him that he should not have been in the halls in the first place and that he would be returned to his body because he was needed. He hugged his knees, looking at the floor. He heard the doors open but he did not bother to look. He felt a hand hold his arm. He looked up and saw a familiar face looking at him. Her eyes were filled with tears as she held his face.

“Amme?” Feanaro asked.

When he said that word, Miriel cried as she embraced Feanaro; she nodded her head as she tried to pull Feanaro closer. Feanaro cried as he embraced the tiny nis.

“Amme, I am sorry; it is my fault; you are dead because of me and I tried, amme, I tried…I just could not anymore…I am sorry. I threw away the life you gave me…I am sorry,” Feanaro sobbed.

“No, it was not your fault. You did not throw your life away. I am here for you, my son. I will always be here to listen.” Miriel said, embracing Feanaro tightly.

She sat there, patting his head, letting the warmth of her embrace comfort him. She cried, hoping that there was more she can do for her son.

“I should not…I do not want to drive you away now that you are here,” Feanaro said.

“I am not going to leave you, my son. When you are ready to talk, I will be here. I will listen,” Miriel kissed Feanaro’s head and held him.

Feanaro was quiet, letting Miriel’s warm embrace comfort him. After a while, he started to talk. He told Miriel everything that happened from the moment she left until Finwe’s remarriage. Meanwhile, Miriel was seething; she tried her best not to let Feanaro feel her anger, not wanting to push him away but he stopped when he felt Miriel’s anger.

“I am not angry at you, my son. I am angry for you and the things that you had to go through…I thought your atar would have learned from his mistakes from the past but I see now that he did not. I failed you, my son. I should have held on, but I was weary of life.” Miriel said.

“No amme, you did not fail me. You held on as long as you could. You needed rest and time and you were not given both things you asked. No one listened to us,”

“They only choose to hear what they want to hear; they are selfish, the whole lot of them. I will never forgive them for what they did to us just because of fulfilling Eru’s plans without thought of how it affects those involved. They preach about…” Miriel was cut off when Fairelanu made his presence known to them.

“Get out,” Miriel growled at Fairelanu who shook his head.

“Curufinwe Feanaro is called to the Mahanaxar to face the judgment of the Valar,” Fairelanu said.

“What?” Miriel asked as Feanaro shook his head.

“I will not go,”

“Unfortunately, you are given no choice in the matter,” Fairelanu said.

“I will go with him;” Miriel said.

“Only Curufinwe Feanaro is called to judgment. Your part is over, Miriel. You have made your decision; there is no need for…”

“I will go with my son and there is nothing you can do to stop me,” Miriel said, holding Feanaro’s hand tightly.

Feanaro looked at Miriel with fear in his eyes but he felt comforted when he saw the fire of determination in Miriel’s eyes. She looked at Feanaro and Feanaro felt the warmth of love within her gaze. As he looked at the tiny nis beside him, he felt no fear in facing the Valar as long as his mother is beside him. He felt tears fall from his eyes; no one has looked at him with open and absolute love in their eyes except his mother. He turned to look at Fairelanu who seemed to be talking with someone.

“The Valar have agreed to let Miriel go with you,” Fairelanu said, bowing his head.

Feanaro relaxed but he could still feel the fire of Miriel’s spirit. Miriel looked at Feanaro and smiled, seeming to know what was in Feanaro’s mind as she said,

“When I am with you, I become stronger; there is no greater love than that of a mother for her child.” Miriel said.

Feanaro smiled and embraced Miriel; Miriel looked at Feanaro and saw nothing but saw pure adoration and love in his eyes and she felt it in her fea. She sighed, feeling a hint of regret that she does not deserve his love but something in her fea washed the regret away. When they found themselves in Mahanaxar, Miriel held Feanaro’s hand. It seemed that they were both drawing strength and determination from one another.

“I am with you, my son,” Miriel said.

“I am with you too, amme.” Feanaro said, kissing Miriel’s hand.

Aule looked at the two neri in front of him. They implored him to let them join the proceedings, however, Aule did not let them. He, however, let observe and listen to the proceedings.

“Thank you, my lord…we know you love Feanaro, please, hear him,” Mahtan said.

Aule comforted Mahtan and headed to the Mahanaxar. Rumil and Mahtan sat down and were joined by maiar; some were friends of Mahtan so they joined them.

Miriel and Feanaro were brought in front of the Valar where they saw some of the maiar, the Valar, Finwe and Indis. When Feanaro saw Finwe, he bowed his head in shame; however, he raised his head when Miriel let go of his hand. He saw his mother stand in front of him. When Finwe went close, Miriel stood tall.

“Did you come here to plead our son to return to you without asking him what he feels? Have you come here to manipulate his love for you so that he returns? Will you let him return just to invalidate his feelings?” Miriel asked, her voice raised.

“What are you talking about?” Finwe asked.

“Miriel Therinde,” Manwe addressed Miriel who glared at Finwe before looking at Manwe.

“We are here to judge whether Curufinwe Feanaro will return to life or be disembodied forever,” Manwe said.

“No, not this time; this time, you will listen,” Miriel said.

“We heard you; we hear all voices in Ea,” Varda said.

“You hear us, you say, yet you do not listen. There is a difference; you failed to listen to the cries or you chose not to; only one has listened yet even she remains unheard, her opinion, set aside.” Miriel said.

Tulkas stood up;

“Are you implying that the Valar have been unfair to you?” Tulkas asked.

“I am saying that you have favorites, but I am not here to talk about what happened to me and how you failed me; I am here for my son and I will make sure that I will not fail him. I told you in the halls, I will fight you with everything I have.” Miriel said.

The Valar talked amongst themselves, leaving Finwe, Indis, Miriel and Feanaro to talk amongst themselves. Miriel looked at Feanaro and she nodded and let Feanaro speak with his father. Miriel kept an eye out for her son when she heard her name called. She saw Indis, wringing her hands.

“I do not have a grievance with you; in fact, I wish you well. I do hope that whatever happened with us will not happen to you or your children,” Miriel said.

“He loves you still; he was deeply saddened by your refusal to return. You left him;” Indis said.

“Oh my friend…” Miriel took Indis’s hands.

“ _If it destroys your fea, it is not love, my dear._ (5) I did not want my son to feel the same.” Miriel said, letting go of Indis’s hands to look at Feanaro where they saw him, looking at Finwe with eyes void of tears as Finwe knelt in front of him, sobbing.

“Why did you leave me, my son? I thought you love me; why did you leave?” Finwe asked, holding Feanaro’s head in his hands.

“I had to, atar. I had enough,” Feanaro said.

“Why did you give up?”

“No atar; giving up is not the same as having enough. Giving up is when you did not put your mind and energy into something but living here, I gave everything yet it did not work,” Feanaro said, shaking his head.

Finwe broke down yet Feanaro was determined to see this through. He needed to make Finwe see what he has done wrong.

“What can I do?”

“I believe we should start with an apology,” Feanaro said.

Finwe wiped his tears as he embraced Feanaro.

“I am sorry, my son. You do not understand, I thought I was doing what is best for you,” (6)

Feanaro heaved a sigh and removed Finwe’s hands from him.

“I do not accept that hypocritical apology. I hoped for a sincere apology; that was not a sincere apology. A sincere apology would include the acknowledgement of mistakes and the acceptance of responsibility for the situation. (7) I am sorry atar, I will not return to you; I will not have my fea broken further,” Feanaro said.

Feanaro looked down at Finwe who crumpled on the ground, sobbing. Indis approached Finwe and comforted him as Miriel approached Feanaro who had tears about to fall from his eyes. Miriel pulled him down and embraced him.

“We have judged once before the fates of those present here today; is our judgment the same?” Manwe asked.

“Nay, this is different; Miriel has spoken the truth; we have failed them, Feanaro, even more so. His fea is broken and needs healing; unlike Miriel whose body failed her, Feanaro’s fea failed him; however, I have heard Miriel’s cries and now I understand that her fea too, has been broken and has not found healing,” Nienna said.

“I have seen his troubled fea whilst he visits our garden. Indeed, he needs healing; I sent good dreams his way however, it is in the waking world that his fea is being destroyed,” Irmo said.

Ulmo and Manwe looked at each other;

“My judgment then shall be carried over to Feanaro,” Ulmo said.

“Aule, what say you?” Manwe asked.

“Feanaro is my friend and my greatest pupil; from his hands, he wrought things of beauty unparalleled by any of the Elda. He was created by Eru to be the mightiest and he has shown this; however, I plead that he be given time and whatever he decides, I will support him,” Aule said.

“This is further proof that the Shadow exists.” Yavanna said.

“I have foreseen that from the line of Indis and Finwe, Earendil shall come and bring things so beautiful that none can dim their beauty; however, the one who wrought such things is the Spirit of Fire,” Namo said.

“Then it shall come to pass that Curufinwe Feanaro will be reembodied,” Manwe said.

“I will do this task,” Nienna said.

The Valar looked at her;

“I hope to put his fea at ease before he returns,” Nienna said.

“So be it,” Manwe said.

“As we have judged, Feanaro will be reembodied,”

“No!” Miriel screamed;

“That is not my wish; it is true then; you preach about free will and yet you renounce our will to make a choice!” Feanaro exclaimed.

“If we had known what you truly are, we would not have followed Finwe here in the first place; we lacked knowledge and understanding. Now, we understand; your sense of free will is nothing but an illusion,” Miriel said.

They were brought back to the halls of Mandos where Feanaro cried as Miriel had no more tears to shed. She knelt down and comforted Feanaro.

“My sister will be the one who will bring you back,” Namo said, leaving the two.

Suddenly, Fairelanu appeared;

“Queen Miriel Therinde, Prince Feanaro, follow me,” Fairelanu said.

“No! I do not want to! I had enough!” Feanaro shouted.

“Please, I did not come here to fetch you as maia to lord Namo. I am here for my friend; she will meet us outside where she will take you to the halls of Nienna,” Fairelanu explained.

Miriel and Feanaro looked at each other; they followed Fairelanu and were brought at the borders where the halls of Mandos stop and where the halls of Nienna begin. They saw Oiolohte, smiling at them. She motioned for them to follow her. They followed her and found themselves in front of Nienna and another maia. They held a ship;

“I borrowed this ship from Ulmo,” Nienna said.

Miriel and Feanaro looked at Nienna who dropped her hood and kissed Miriel and Feanaro’s brows. They felt comforted;

“You spoke truly in the Mahanaxar; my kin have failed to listen and have forgotten that we are not here to rule over you and your decisions. You are free to make them; we do not feel things the way you do and I have seen that keeping you here will cause more suffering on your souls.” Nienna said.

“What are you saying? Please speak plainly,” Miriel said, placing a hand on her chest.

“It takes courage to walk away from those you love and cause you nothing but pain,” Nienna said, taking Miriel’s hand in hers.

Miriel felt tears fall from her eyes as she nodded; Nienna held Feanaro’s hand;

“You have been strong, Feanaro. You held on as long as you can. Let this be your release and may you find happiness. They wish to bring you back because they have seen beautiful things wrought from your hands that will bring hope. I do believe that wherever you are, as long as your fea is full of love, you will be able to create things of beauty and you will bring hope to all,” Nienna said.

“Where does that ship go?” Feanaro asked.

“Back to Arda; you have always wanted to return; you said so in the Mahanaxar; if you knew and understood what life is in Aman, you would not have followed Finwe,” Nienna said.

“You will let us go?” Miriel asked.

“I do believe that you only make a life-changing decision when you have all the facts.” Nienna said.

“You are different from them,” Feanaro said.

“I am still learning; everyday with the Children is a learning experience,” Nienna said.

“Are you not afraid of what the others will say when they find out?” Miriel asked as the maia whom Oiolohte called Olorin, prepared the ladder.

Nienna smiled and shook her head;

“I am counting on it,” Nienna said.

“We better leave,” Oiolohte said.

“You will accompany us?” Feanaro asked.

“Yes for you do not know the way,” Oiolohte said.

Feanaro felt Miriel take his hand; Feanaro embraced his mother and they walked together, hand-in-hand, towards the ship that will bring them to where they will be free.

“WAIT!!!”

They stopped and turned, seeing two neri running towards them.

“Mahtan! Rumil! My greatest friends!” Miriel exclaimed, running towards them and embracing them. She was crying happily.

“You are leaving?” Mahtan asked.

“Yes; where we will finally be free from the silent poison that damages our fea,” Miriel said.

Miriel saw Mahtan look sad as he stared at Miriel.

“Maybe one day, we will see each other again,” Mahtan embraced Miriel and Feanaro.

“I understand,” Miriel said as Feanaro nodded;

“I will join you. Please, take me with you,” Rumil said, after hearing from Feanaro where they would be going.

He saw Nienna nod at him; Rumil heaved a relieved sigh. They headed up the ship.

“How did you know?” Miriel asked Rumil as they were waving at Nienna, Mahtan and Olorin.

“Olorin told us of Lady Nienna’s plan,” Rumil said, nodding at the maia beside Nienna.

They went to the other end of the ship, looking ahead;

“To freedom,” Feanaro said.

“To a new beginning,” Miriel said, wrapping her arms around her son. She heaved a sigh as she placed her head on top of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not attempt to write any continuation as to what happened when Feanor, Miriel and Rumil ended up in Arda. I just know they lived happily
> 
> 1\. Namo foresaw the arrival of Earendil and that from Indis and Finwe's line, there is hope...this is part of the Statute of Miriel and Finwe where they allowed Finwe to remarry.  
> 2\. I imagined that Feanaro's spirit remembers what his body feels like...basically, they have appear in the halls of Mandos as having their bodies.  
> 3\. Fairelanu comes from "disembodied spirit" and "lead" so, just, leading disembodied spirit is the name of the maia of Namo.  
> 4\. The halls of Mandos are filled with rooms.  
> 5\. Unknown quote found in Google  
> 6\. Insincere ways to apologize (don't copy Finwe): Sorry-Blame and Sorry-Justify  
> 7\. Feanaro realizes that Finwe's apology is insincere and would have none of it. He schools him on how a sincere apology should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Some words:  
> meldanya - my love
> 
> (1) I am not sure about time in Valinor and I cannot find the right term for basically night time, waning of Telperion? I'm not sure so I just said twelve hours which is a day in Valinor (I think) I really am not sure.  
> (2) Since I am not sure with time in Valinor, I just used modern time so the use of month. I don't know how many days in Valinor is in a month. I didn't research. Will correct later if I find the link  
> (3) Here, Olorin has a sister, Oiolohte; so, like the Feanturi siblings, they too are related and treat each other as siblings. Olorin is a maia to Manwe, Varda, Irmo, and Nienna while Oiolohte is a maia of Este, Nienna and Vana  
> (4) flights of fancy, meaning Feanaro always imagines; this is a form of escape  
> (5) The object Mahtan samples is basically like a telescope; they talk about how it was made but I was lazy to type so let your imagination take over.  
> (6) Mahtan and Rumil see that what happened to Miriel before - handing objects to them and saying goodbye then being calm is happening with Feanaro.
> 
> Feanaro exhibits the warning signs: talking about suicide, seeking out lethal means (he made knives), self-loathing, getting affairs in order (giving the keys to Rumil and Mahtan), saying goodbye (to Miriel, Rumil and Mahtan), withdrawing from others (withdrawing from Rumil and Mahtan) and the sudden sense of calm (while he was at the mountainside)
> 
> Please feel free to comment and leave a kudos  
> Follow me on tumblr: @narijem


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